This is something that I have struggled to put into words for a very long time because it is truly one of my biggest insecurities. I struggled with an eating disorder through high school and that has never been an easy thing to admit. It started when someone I was dating told me that they were no longer attracted to me. I was 15 years old at the time. I was told that I ate too much as a girl and that they wished I would eat a salad instead of a burger. I was 17 years old at the time.
These comments are never easy to hear and I still think about them to this day. I think about them when I look in the mirror and I am not satisfied. I think about them when I am in the fitting room. I think about them anytime I am starting a new romantic venture with someone. These comments are permanent scars in my head and I will never forget them.
I thought about these comments just a few nights ago honestly. They keep me up late at night every now and then. I am 100% all for body positivity and embracing everything about our bodies. I support every individual and their choices for their bodies because that is what makes us all unique in our own way. But I am also only human and I still find flaws in myself that I will never be content with and I am constantly working to change.
And might I add, having depression and anxiety does not help when it comes to negative self talk. There are days I look in the mirror and I can hear that voice in the back of my head saying “Don’t wear that - you look fat” or “You should not put your hair up because then it exposes how round your face is” or “No one will want to look at you naked when you look like that”. Trust me, my brain has run through them all.
I’ve worked hard on my positive self talk and it truly has helped. I have also changed parts of my own lifestyle to get me to where I want to be - and I am still working on it. Body Positivity for myself is something I am always working on and have struggled with since I was a teenager. Some days are easier than others but it is always a work in progress.