Darkness is not something that we define by how little light there is or how the sun sets and changes the color palette of the sky to a deeper color scheme that can be hard to find in the paint section at the store. I saw darkness as my home once, and sometimes still do. When I miss it, I crawl back to the deepest part of my mind that I thought was gone forever, and sit in comfort.
I let this darkness surround me. I struggle for warmth but I know it is somewhere in there, because I am comfortable, right? Comfort brings warmth? But all I felt was cold. Cold air surrounded me, making it difficult to breathe. But that's how I liked it - because I was comfortable. I let it cause pain when it should not have but it did. It forced me to focus on other pain than the one that was building up inside me and breaking from within.
But then came a moment where that darkness started to swallow me. It stopped me from ever returning to a place that I knew was probably the place I needed to be. It held me captive until the light came and brought me back out. Holding me by my hands and pulling me out even when I may not have wanted it - but deep down I knew I probably needed the help.
And to this day, I look back and I am thankful I came out of the spot I was in. I no longer look to darkness for comfort unless it is the darkness from the sky filled with the light of the stars.