I lay awake, wide awake, letting my thoughts toss and turn inside my head. Forcing me to think about things that I thought I had locked away for the protection of my sanity. Forcing me to think about things that are minuscule in comparison to the a thousand other things I should be focusing on. But no matter what, at the end of the day, the same thing always comes to the forefront and it's a question.
"How did you do today?"
A mental exit question at the end of every day making sure that I made it through, feeling the emotions I know deserve to feel. Making sure that when I cry that I am telling myself that it is okay to cry. Making sure that when I smile it is genuine and real. Making sure that when I'm angry that I have myself the appropriate amount of time to breathe it out and come up with a solution. Making sure that I surrounded myself with the positive energy that I know should be flowing in and out of my life. All of these things are little bullet points in the list of things that I need to talk about with myself.
Because otherwise, I am up at 1 in the morning wondering how to convey the chaos that goes on inside my mind.